ok. If you know me, you know that one of my biggest hatred/fears is spiders. Well, today after I dun gone to tha wall mart, I came in to unload some groceries and there was the biggest fucking spider I have EVER seen indoors.

I am thouroughly fucking freaked!

It was literally 4 inches from top to bottom. Ugh. Someone's probably missing their pet....

By I. M. Tolerant associated press news
VATICAN CITY-
The vatican was in an uproar today when it was discovered that Pope John Paul II has been dead for over three years, and that a right-wing conservative think tank has been preserving his body and using anamatronic implants to move his mouth during press conferences and appearances.

Catholics throughout the world mourned the death of the pope while expressing their anger for the cover-up of his death. While most people were angry, not many were surprised. Barbie Pilidiccio, of West Polehoke, Virgina, was found in tears at Our Lady of Perpetual Discrimination. "I knew he seemed old. He was kind of bent over. His press conferences were a little strange", she went on, "but I would have never guessed that he was dead.

An investigation was launched to discover who was behind the deception. Although, at this time, information remains sketchy, it is thought that Jerry Fallwell is the head of the think tank, Dr. Laura Schlessinger was behind the anamatronic controls of the Pope's movements, and Charlton Heston was acting as the voice of the Pope.

When reached for comment, Heston said, "It was tough to learn Latin and Italian but it was worth it to keep all those fags from ruining the sanctity of marriage and keep those pinko lesbians from ripping the guns out of our hands."

Dr. Schlessinger was not able to be reached for comment, but instead posted a reply on her website. "We did what we thought was right and would do it again in a heartbeat. Being gay is just wrong. Way wrong. Way more wrong then taking nude photos of yourself when you are young and have a beautiful body, even if those photos resurface years later and threaten to ruin your career. If you are wondering how we kept his skin from decaying, please check out my new line of age defying treatments. You can order them by following this link and using our secure checkout for your order"

There will be an on going investigation of the methods used to keep the Pope's skin from decaying and exactly how the anamatronics in his face worked. Its not known if any of the members of the think tank will be formally charged with any offenses, but it is thought, that if they are, they will receive a full pardon from President Bush. The President, after his conference in the rose garden today, when asked what he thought of the breaking news said, "I don't know what happened, but I wish I would have thought of it first."

I took Avery to the hospital today because when he woke up his eyes were practically swollen shut. In light of the whole chicken pox thing I thought I'd rather be safe then sorry and didn't want to wait until Wed. for an apt. It turns out, according to the doctor that we saw today, that he didn't have the chicken pox, but only an allergic reaction to something (who knows what). I am kind of skeptical but if he's right it would make more sense.

I have to go to the passport office tomorrow now because I spent most of the afternoon in the hospital.

And, it turns out, after all the searching for a Starbucks that I've done that there is one in the hospital!!! I couldn't believe it. Someone came into the waiting room with two starbucks cups and I nearly fainted. When we were finished, I stood in the front of the entryways of the 3 adjoining building and sniffed. I knew I smelled the aroma of the nectar of the gods. It turns out that it is right next to the pharmacy! I can't believe all this time I've been longing for my mistress and there she was! Right under my nose on the base! Its like being a heroin addict and finding out that your pusher has lived next door to you all the time, and you never knew it. I won't abuse it though because although I love Starbucks coffee, it is still expensive.

And... if that didn't make life peachy enough... GW Bush though enough of me (even after all the mean things I have said about him) to send me and Eddie a $650 check in the mail! Thank you fucked up government bunny! bwakk bwakk.

Eddie is coming home tonight for the whole weekend. He'll be here from 6pm today until 6pm Sunday night. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Our income is going to be cut by $600 because of the move to Georgia.

I have to go! I need to clean up and go get my baby!!

Its late.. This could possibly not be coherant

I had a really decent day today. I talked to two people whom I really like on IM. I got two rebate checks from verizon for our phones (yay! Thats $200 in rebates just when we needed the money)

I took the kids to the grocery store. I got staple food, which to us is frozen pizza, frozen waffles, bananas, apples, milk and bread. I went to the closest grocery store, Food Lion.

The Food Lion here is seriously like the twilight zone. Right down the road is a Kroger. Its apparently where all the soccer mom's like to shop. They have a pretty decent selection of "health food" and vegetarian items. Their prices are a little high but I guess for the ambiance that Kroger offers, some suburbanites are willing to pay more. Food Lion is cheaper. I like cheap, so I shop there. They don't have tofu. They don't stock pears. Nor do they stock chick peas. Weird that they do not have those things. Granted, I shouldn't be shopping with civilians anyway considering that the Commisary is way cheaper but I didn't feel like driving out to the base and risking the dirty looks of other parents wondering why I brought a child with the plague outdoors. (poor guy) No one stares at you in the twilight zone. Believe me, we were some of the least weird people there.

The cashier guy is super nice too. He's so nice that he almost makes me nervous. And believe me, he's not just nice because I'm a sexy, bodacious babe either. He's that nice when Eddie's there too.

I spied on my neighbors today when they got home from Wal-Mart (YES, I KNOW I HAVE NO LIFE). The woman (Eddie and I call her Avril) and her husband (we call him Skater Boi) were taking up bags and Skater Boi was trying to invent this system for taking a whole lot of bags up the stairs at once by threading the handles onto a broom they purchased. It was funny watching him try to do this while his wife (these two can't be more than 25 years old) made 3 trips in the time that he was engineering the whole thing. I spy on them a lot because I am curious about people and they're a military family too. Ok, I spy on them a lot because I have no life and I'm bored out of my skull. I think if I could rig a survelance system in their house to spy on them I probably would. I get obsessed like that. More on that later...*coughfreakcough*

I always think I am so way outside the norm but the fact is that I blend better than I have ever in my life. I guess you get used to the feeling of being an outsider and it never quite sinks in that you are pretty much like everyone else.

I am not special. I am not a beautiful or unique snowflake.

I'm having trouble thinking of a way to start this. I'm a little over emotional because I've been depriving myself of sleep. Everything that has been happening to me is amplified due to that fact. I'm tired, and I want to have a good cry.



It is beyond me why I care about certain things. Things that don't affect my life at all. Things that if I shut my eyes, would disappear. I tend to over-empathize with people and sometimes it really effects my emotions. I think about what they must be going through and it really hurts me. Mind you, these are people that if I never wanted to know about again, it could be easily done.

For example, two of the privates in Eddie's company make me very sad. They, in the past, have annoyed Eddie because of their actions (mostly military related so there is no need to really spell it out). One is tall, kind of goofy looking and doesn't have the best hygiene. He's from a rural area. I feel sorry for him because the other privates talk about him and basically aren't nice to him (pretty mean in fact). The other is a formerly medicated Addh boy who's father (a medal of honor winner) died and his mother remarried and had more children. Again, the other privates are really mean to him because of his personality. Both are really young (20-21) and both are very respectful and nice to me and my boy when I see them.

Last night Eddie mentioned to me on the phone that the tall, goofy one was asking around to use someone's phone to call his family. The people in Eddie's room were being mean and said that if he paid them $5 that they would let him use the phone. I told Eddie that I wanted him to call me back and to please let this guy use the phone. I nearly started crying.

I guess the pain of not being accepted kind of all floods back when I see situations like this. Now, I really don't give a fuck what people think about me (most of the time), but it took 28 years for me to feel this way. I think back to how much it hurt to have people make fun of me. For things I didn't mean or whatever. People were fucking horrible to me at times in my life and for some reason it still carries on into my adult life.

I am by no means saying that I am unique here. I know that probably most people in life were tortured. I was fucked up more then some. I am guessing that if you are reading this, I don't exactly need to go into detail about how much worse it could have been for me. I'm just trying at the moment to work through why I am sitting here crying.

I guess I don't blame most of the people who knew me before, for not liking me today. When I think about the way I was in my late teens and early twenties, I can't say I blame them. I am amazed that Eddie is still with me after the way I was. I was a train wreck before. I was a wounded girl and everything was motivated by trying to fix or forget how hurt I really was. Every action was a reaction to being hurt the first time. When someone steals your innocence, it kind of does that to you.

Fuck. I'm fortunate in that once I get it out, its out. I don't tend to dwell on things once they are written down. I've never really gotten this out.

Its about time that I stopped letting the memories from high school hurt me. Its time that I stopped seeking the acceptance from the few acquaintances I have left from that time. I can really admire them, as I do, but the indifference of those people shouldn't bother me like it does. I am twenty eight fucking years old. Its time to let go.

And to top it all off, its been 10 years since I've graduated high school. They are planning a class reunion and while, at first, I was excited about going, I've decided not to. I could if I wanted to, but I won't. I don't need to relive the hell I felt in high school just to see the few people who I liked.

Ugh. Maybe it is time for me to visit a therapist again. Maybe this is my answer to therapy, just much cheaper. Maybe I just need something other than this void of time until we are somewhere for more then a few months. Maybe I just need to have a sense of something to work toward to rather then something to work through.

When I read through my journal entries to attempt to correct punctuation, grammar etc. I get disgusted. I get disgusted at how pitiful it all sounds. I wonder if anyone has made it this far.

***************8

Ok. Thought about it some. Everything below (ie: earlier post) is pretty minute compared to what I found out today. There's a pretty good chance that Eddie might be stationed somewhere in Germany where he's in Bosnia for 1/2 of the year.

Fucking Yay.

All the accumulation is so small compared to the thought of having to go through being without him for half the year.

Cursing not Cussing

One day, when I first stared living in Georgia, I was driving around and something happened that really upset me (can't remember what it was now... must have been really important) and I shouted FUCK while both my kids were in the car. (STUUUUpppIIIDDDdddddd) Avery said "Mom, Whaddya mean Fuk?" I said "I said BUG honey. I said BUG." "Oh, whaddya mean bug?"

Quick thinking by a baaaaaad potty mouth mommy. That is why I don't curse anymore.

My favorite curse words, being that I'm not religious, are JESUS CHRIST!. I use this at time of frustration, when something pisses me off and basically whenever I feel like it. When I get frustrated with the kids, however, I usually shorten it to "JESUS!" Or more like "JEEEEEEEZUUUUUUUS" I said that to Avery because he was acting up in my room before I left Trenton.

Me: "JEEEEEEEEEEEZUUUUUUUSSSSSSSS!"
Avery "CHRIST!?"
Me: bust out laughing

nice.
and if that doesn't win me mother of the year, NOTHING will.


real nice.

I am in the buckle of the bible belt.

My air conditioner is still not functioning. I blew the compressor so they are ordering a new unit to install. I can hear maintenance out there now *yay*. Good news? Most likely, if its a brand new unit, it will be more energy efficient and save me money. Its cool in here now so I can't really justify complaining about the bad news. *grin*

Oh wait.. yes I can. Last night Avery was playing quietly in his room. He asked me where one of my shoes went but I didn't think much of it when he did. I went to check on him in his room to make sure that everything was ok and I noticed that his bed was stripped. I looked around the room and didn't see any of the bedding, which is VERY weird because its the new Hulk motif and very obnoxious and hard to miss. I said "Avery, what happened to your covers?". He had taken them and shoved them out the window. The flat and fitted sheets went out the window. His pillow went out the window. My shoes went out the window. His shoes went out the window. About 8 playstation games and the controllers went out the window.

I nearly lost my composure. I said "You WILL be going TO BED when I get up these stairs. You ARE IN BIG TROUBLE." Then I flew down the stairs and collected all of the items off of the ground (yes, we live in a 2nd floor apt so I would imagine if there were any witnesses it must have looked quite comical). So to bed he went.

This wouldn't have happened if the air conditioner was functioning. The screens are easily pushed from the window and if the air was on the windows would have been shut.

***********************
I'm in a not so confident, self defeating kind of mood at the moment. Apparently live journal doesn't recognize either one of these moods because there is no icon for it. I wonder how the little poof that is my icon would look for self-defeating.

I always have had a hard time believing that people that I really admire actually like me back. I never thought of that as a self-confidence issue because most of the time I feel particularly good about myself.

I'm whining. Ewww.

I've been thinking off all of the things that irritate me on a regular basis (the radio selections here being one of them) and I'm sure its just because I am very lacking in sleep.

Eddie might get to come live here very soon. He talked to both of his drill sgts and they are going to initiate the paperwork to make me living here official, to get Eddie permission to drive and then finally permission to live here. After spending the weekend with him, it makes how much I took his presence for granted glaringly apparent. This weekend we'll actually be able to sleep in the same bed. Waking up to him will be nice.

Avery threw up today a bunch of times. I think he just has a funny stomach quite the way Eddie does. I think his playstation is getting broken or needs to be cleaned because it isn't playing his games well.

For whomever might read this please forgive my ignoring of punctuation and the fact that this is mostly drivel. When I am in a better mood and coherent I am going to tell you all about the baptist churches here.

And life is normal for 17 hours

Today was Eddie's first full day off of base. It was so wonderful to have him all to ourselves. We didn't do anything special or out of the ordinary but it was all wonderful. I now have a computer desk to sit at and I am $300 poorer after a visit to Target. I have threatened but am seriously considering making a wanted poster with a reward for anyone who prevents me from entering any Target in the continental US. I think I'd probably save more money that way.

Alone time (*wink wink* *nudge nudge*) with your husband is so difficult when you have two small children.

The air conditioning in the apartment is broken and thankfully the temperature is more mild than usual. I think I fried the compressor because the air conditioning literally has not been off since we've moved in. I have windows open at the moment, against my better judgment because the screens are nearly useless. They are ridden with holes, gapped around the frames and some just fall out because there is nothing securing them to the window. Its my fear of invading swamp life (aka: bugs you just don't see in New Jersey) that keeps the windows here closed.

A cockroach tried to sneak into my apartment via one of the open windows. He died a horrible death suffocating on a cloud of noxious gas. I sprayed him for a good 5 feet as he ran so as not to have an incident like severekidd described here. As far as I am concerned, if I spot an invader, I will DESTROY it without prejudice. If one ever gets away...well lets just pretend that will NEVER happen.

One small side note: There is a train line that is close to here. Its a freight line so at different times during the day I hear the whistle blowing. I am absolutely enamored by the sound.

Apparently Avery is getting THE CHICKEN POX. Oh hurray! Joy of joys. *sigh*

His psychiatrist apt was tomorrow and I gave the woman a hard time about trying to reschedule it. Ha ha! Only to call back an hour later with the news..."I think my son Avery has the chicken pox so I'll be rescheduling the apt at a later time."

He's got about 10 on his face, 10 on his torso, 5 on his legs and one on his butt. I imagine this will be different tomorrow. The natural holistic book that I have suggests to wash all the bedding daily. I have no washing machine and need to do this at the laundromat. Tres inconvenient. I drove the kids over to the washing center (within walking distance but I challenge any of you to walk a 4 yr old and a 1.5 year old while holding two full baskets of dirty clothes!), then drove around until it was done washing. The wash is currently in the dryers but hell if I know how I'm going to get it home...

I could put the kids in the car again and drive over to the within walking distance place, lock the car with them in it and rip all the clothes out of the dryer. I could run over there while they are in the apartment and occupied. It will probably take a total of 10 minutes round trip. Oh and I forgot to mention its thundering and getting ready for the skies to unload all the water that has been making horrible humidity in the 90+ degree temps we are experiencing here.

Am I bitching? Hell no (although it might seem like I am). This is the actual internal dialog that runs through my head when I'm making these oh-so-important-life-changing decisions. Now, seriously, if I didn't play my cards right these could be life changing, but I have a feeling no matter what I decide it will go without a hitch. After all, its only laundry.

I have a lot more on my mind but I'm not going to extend this post any longer. I'm most likely going to be quarantined until the weekend with one sick child and one probably going to be even sicker. It seems that the second child to get the pox gets them twice as bad as the first. Yay.

The house is spotless. I am exhausted. My baby is coming home tomorrow!

I'm so excited!!

Ryan had 4 shots in his legs but seems to be doing well. The nurse was very helpful today and read the inserts from every vaccine to verify that they did not contain Thimerisol.

I made an appointment for Avery to see a psychiatrist on July 22nd. Hopefully they will be able to recommend therapy for him to learn behavioral control. Today he darted out in the street very suddenly and nearly was hit by a car. It was the quick thinking driver who slammed on their breaks and the screeching that sent him running back onto the curb. Much too close for any of our likings and there is now a new rule that Avery has to hold someone's hand while crossing the street. He knows to look both ways and does it often. Sometimes he just doesn't think. He got very upset and started to cry when he realized what happened.

I'm going to relax the rest of the night and enjoy my clean apartment.

My 10 year high school reunion is approaching (that is if they manage to get one off). I was seriously considering going but after reviewing it a second time I've decided I'm not interested. (I probably wrote about this before so forgive me for traveling this road twice). I'm skeptical that they'll pull one off considering they barely got a year book together. The same 6 people were on every page. They even went so far as to include picutres from a party at someone's house rather then school activities.

As I would have said in high school. "Oh Mah Gawd, Whateverrrrrrr" (yes, I really did talk like that and still do sometimes).

On a better note, I'm having a pretty decent weekend. Eddie wasn't allowed to sleep here but we had a nice weekend anyway.

Tuesday I've made a reservation for Ryan to go to the childcare center and Avery is going to go to the psychiatrists. They had me fill out a form about why he's going etc. On the "write down any comments you have" I wrote something like this...

I am not bringing Avery to this clinic to get medication for his behavioral difficulties. I think he is far too young for that. I am more interested in behavioral control therapies and ways to parent him that will help with his behavioral issues.

I don't want Avery to be different. I love him so much the way he is. I just don't want him to hate school from the get go.

Today I took the boys to their appointment with the Dr. She was AWESOME. Dr. Bental is a DO not an MD and they tend to run more along the lines of homeopothy then traditional medicine. She was very nice, patient with my children and very caring. When she asked me if Ryan slept in a bed or a crib, I told her we co-sleep. She smiled and said "Do you read Mothering Magazine". That made me smile too because I have never known a Dr. that even heard of it, nevertheless known what it was about.

On the way to the appointment, I started to get a migrane. I have had 3 migranes since I've graduated highschool and usually I get them only under extreme stress. My vision goes fuzzy on one half, I follow by not making sense when I speak and then comes the pain. When I realize what was happening, I took 4 advil and tried as best as I could to get through the appointment. By the end, I was nautious, in pain, and not really absorbing what we talked about. I asked if it was alright if I came back tomorrow to finish up and get the referrals and things that I needed and she said yes. She is not going to be there but her nurse would assist me.

She also gave me the number of a homeopath to talk to about Avery's hyperactivity. She said there is a suppliment that he can take that might help. Also with Ryan's vaccinations, she suggested I start him on Vitamin C to help boost his immune system and cope with the onslaught.

I guess I was more stressed about this visit then I thought. When I came home, I laid down in bed and started dozing off (usually the only way I can cope with a Migrane). Ryan was pretty upset so I took him in bed with me and he immediately fell asleep. Avery entertained him and I slept off and on for a good 4 hours. I woke up and felt much better.

I ordered Papa John's online and can't wait for it to get here. I'm so hungry!!!

Last night I had a dream about a friend of mine, who died very suddenly a few years ago. In my dream, we were just spending time together. I knew he was dead. He did too. I thought to myself in the dream, "I will always have a special place in my heart for you. I loved you like a brother" He said out loud "I know you do." and hugged me. I started to cry and he said "Its time for me to go" and I woke up with tears in my eyes and on my pillow.

Afterward, I could't fall back asleep. I laid awake, in bed thinking of a way to express my dream. It came to me in verse but I didn't bother writing it down or trying to recollect it here. My poetic license was revoked a while ago.

I don't, at this point in my life, believe in life after death. Dreams like that come to me often but don't convince me that there is another side. Its hard for me to write about it because the thought of death has always been very scary to me. I know that once it happens I won't know, but, thinking of all I will leave behind gets me choked up every time. As I sit here and type this, I have tears in my eyes.

Nothing would make me happier then to convince myself that my "spirit" will go on, but I just can't believe it. I was very devoutly spiritual before my sons were born but since then I have not been able to connect with anything. I often pray for some sign or some solace, something to make me believe just to ease my mind. I think that religion is just a way to make people accountable for their actions in this life and a way to soothe people about the idea of death. Can you imagine what kind of world we would live in if people knew that once they were dead, that was it?

I read a study that said that the phenomenon of the light at the end of the tunnel people experience in near death episodes is just their brain being derived of oxygen. They had test pilots report the same experiences when they were also deprived of oxygen.

I've never had an experience with a ghost but once I swear I heard my nana call my mother's name shortly after she died.

I feel like a lost sheep on a run away train that is getting ready to screech to a halt at the end of a line that is way too short.
**************

I am absolutely dizzy with all of the things we need to do to move to Germany. For starters, most likely none of the appliance we have can be used, even with converters...I think. That is the thing tho, I just don't know.

There is so much to do and know and so little time to find it all out.

I'm very excited about going but nervous because I have no freaking clue what I'm doing. I need to find someone here who can tell me what to expect. I guess I have to check in with ACS (Army Community Service) ugh.

Dr's apt for kiddles tomorrow. Going over the vaccination thing. Hopefully we can get this all squared away and I can get the kids registered for the childcare service.

Eddie should be requesting paperwork to live with us. They are pushing his phase 5+ up because of the Fourth of July weekend. Usually they don't get it until week 11. He's in week 7 or 8 now (I lost count). It will be so nice to have him here most of the time. Especially with his schedule. He'll leave at 4pm for school, come home at midnight and be here the rest of the time.

I've been overindulging because I've been depressed. If I can get the child care squared away it will give me time to work out, walk or whatever. I'm thinking more along the lines of gym, because I have a feeling the sun is much closer to the earth in Augusta. Its about 95 degrees here whenever the sun is out, which lately is making for amazing humidity. It doesn't exactly rain here. The sky opens up, buckets of water drop out, sometimes loud claps of thunder accompany and then the sun comes back out again...full force. Its 95 with water on the ground, which quickly evaporates into the air and covers you like a towel fresh out of the dryer that wasn't finished drying yet.

So as you can all see I am very scattered today. I know one thing though, I'm thankful Eddie passed his test and delirious with joy that we can be together off that base.

I haven't seen any big invaders for a few days *knocks on wood*. I finished Lasher and will probably read another book (most likely David Sedaris' "Holidays On Ice") before I read Taltos. I've started playing Ultima Online so of course I whittle away my boring nights doing that. I think I might force myself not to play until later in the night so I can actually do some other things. At least I have enough discipline this time to make sure everything is clean, everyone is fed and the house in general is presentable.

Eddie has his EOC PT test tomorrow. If he passes this he'll be allowed home this weekend (most likely) and in a few weeks can live home!!

Time for me to shower. Kids are still sleeping!

Two things you do not want to hear 12am on a Sunday night.

"Mom, I locked my bedroom door and can't get inside"
"Oh, I locked the bathroom door too and I have to peepee"

As of right now, Eddie is not going to be allowed off base this weekend. His shift got in trouble due to their barracks being a "mess" and they are assigning them to a weekend full of PT and Duty. (ie: exercise and cleaning/landscaping).

One of the few things I look forward to is the weekend. Double fucking UGH!

(fill in a stream of curse words)

I'm thinking about going home. I'm just trying to justify a 15 hour trip both ways. I dread that drive. Train and plane are out due to the cost issues (it only takes me a tank and a half to get to NJ from here).

God damn I'm irritated. I'm so irritated I'm not even thinking clearly.

Shit, I'm so lethargic right now I don't even feel like leaving the house.

15 Hours is a damn long time to be in the car with two little ones.

*sigh* Breakdown tonight. I need to do something about the way I've been feeling. Most of the time I'm a pretty optimist person but I think its time I talked to someone about my anger and I will talk to someone about Avery. I love that kid more then anything on Earth but his behavior is out of control and he's starting to injure his brother because of it. Shit, I don't even like to hear myself complain. Time for me to shut up now and take care of business.

Public Service Announcement!

I went into the blood donation center on base yesterday and inquired about donating platelets. I finally meet all the requirements for blood donation. I was actually planning on having a few of my tattoos touched up but have officially put that idea on the back burner to give blood instead. (If that isn't a sign that I'm getting old, nothing is!)

I highly recommend if you meet the requirements that you try to either give blood or platelets. You can donate blood every 8 weeks, but can legally donate platelets every 72 hours. Information here on frequently asked questions about blood donation. They do a lot of heart surgery at Fort Gordon so platelets are of special importance.

The technician who screened my blood said my platelets were very good but my iron is low. Its no wonder now why I'm feeling the way I do! I've started supplementing so hopefully it should come up by the 1st (my scheduled donation appointment). I should be donating with Eddie. Its a 2 hour procedure but they let you pick out a movie and watch it while you wait. Hopefully I'll have all the kids paperwork in order by then and I'll be able to drop them off at the childcare center.

Eddie drew the short straw and got KP (Kitchen Patrol) today. Right now he's either washing dishes or cleaning off tables. Although he is a 74B (Informations Systems Operator), he said he'll have a degree in trash removal, landscaping and janitorial services before he leaves. Only in the Army do the students have to clean the classrooms, bathroom and manicure the buildings outside after class.

Today was a crappy day. I was told by a nurse that because I didn't vaccinate Ryan on schedule, someone could call child protective services and file a complaint of neglect. Eddie's PT test got cancelled so he has no chance of seeing us off base until next Wednesday (and this upsets me because this weekend is Father's day). Due to the vaccination thing I couldn't register Ryan for childcare and I forgot my damn wallet so I couldn't register Avery either.

I went to Target to try to soothe my soul by participating in the mass consumerism that is poisoning this country. I got surprisingly little for what I spent although my new water bottle with its own little jacket is pretty cool.

I'm totally slacking on cleaning up today but I figure fuggit...there's always tomorrow for that stuff.

Attack of the killer cockroaches

Ok, I must start this by stating a few obvious things about myself. I was raised, and for 99% of my life lived in the suburbs of NJ. In general, the only pests a person needs to worry about in Hamilton Twp are spiders, ants and fleas if you have pets.

Apparently, its hot enough down here that cockroaches are more common then people. And said cockroaches are big enough that, if you were so inclined, you could throw a collar around a cockroaches neck, teach it to walk on a leash and wave to passersby. This is something to which I am have trouble adjusting.

Last week, after I finished showering, at 1:30 am I saw a big brown spot on my carpet in the doorway, in my room. A shiver passed through me when I realized what it most probably was. I crept closer to see if it was what I thought it was and sure enough it was a 3 inch cockroach. I stood there for a minute while praying for it NOT to move and thought about what I was going to do about this intruder. I thought about the ziplock containers I had in my kitchen cabinet and resolved that I was going to catch the cockroach, carefully put the lid on the container and bring it to management to show them what I found waiting for me, in my nakedness, in the wee hours of the night. I attempted to sneak by and NOT scare it into moving but George (his name) saw me and ran for MY FREAKING BED. To someone afraid of cockroaches, there is NOTHING worse then the though of a cockroach getting lost near, under, or around your bed.

I hurried into the kitchen in my towel. I grabbed the container out of the cabinet, had enough sense not to forget the lid and prayed that GW (the cockroach) would NOT be underneath the bed, especially since my youngest was sleeping in the bed at the time. I successfully caught the cockroach, studied it for 20 minutes, realized he wasn't going to die, and put an added layer of security around the container (a ziplock bag) just in case this guy turned out to be a bionic cockroach and was able to tunnel his way out or lift the lid and leave to get all his big burly friends to kick my ass for pissing him off. He lived for 3 days, in an airtight container, in a ziplock bag, in my car, in 100+ heat.

Cockroach #2 met his fate after being sprayed with room spray, locked in a ziplock container and microwaved for 10 seconds. He was crispy and actually smelled kind of good when I ground him up in the garbage disposal.

Karma then comes to bite me in the ass. Almost literally.

Today, this morning to be exact, I decided to take a shower before the kids awoke. I was naked (as one usually is before they shower) and saw that the biggest cockroach I have ever seen, besides the ones at the Philadelphia Zoo, waiting to take a shower as well. Being the seasoned cockroach killer (sing that one to the tune of cop killer) I decided on my method of trapping with ziplock container and then disposal by experimentation. This particular cockroach was so large that when he attempted to escape via the drain, he didn't fit. Cockroach #3 could not swim (I figured since he wanted to take a shower in the first place, we would see if he could swim and he most definitely could not) so he also went into the garbage disposal. Nearly being proud of myself for not freaking out, I went into the bathroom to continue with my planned shower.

I dropped my towel, started the water, stepped into the tub and shut the shower curtain. Out of nowhere a cockroach flies onto me (I am TOTALLY NOT KIDDING) and I subsequently freak the fuck out. I started to scream at the top of my lungs. My arms flailed while I flung this interloper off of me into the tub. I literally jumped out of the tub (while screaming) and grabed the shower head and attempted to drown him. I put the water on to hot and kept at it until he eventually washed down the drain. I received a scratch in the fracas but managed otherwise to be physically unharmed. Trembling I called management and asked for them to please send the bug guy out again because I was attacked in the shower by a cockroach after I killed his friend.

As I write this I am feeling phantom stuff crawl on my skin. I am also scanning the floor, walls and ceiling of my apartment to make sure that I don't have to pull out my shiny new can o' raid to teach any cockroaches bent on revenge a lesson. I love this apartment and I don't know how I am going to get used to 2-4 inch bugs being in here.

So, about a week ago, we found out where Eddie is tentatively stationed.

I have two people that I know that are enlisted in the army. The one I know from Trenton, is stationed in Colorado but I think might be in Kuwait. Last I heard, he was waiting for his orders to go, and then I didn't hear from him any more. The second is someone that Eddie and I met while playing Ultima Online about 4 years ago. He's awesome, has 3 girls (two around my boys' ages), is originally from Texas and coincidentally enough, stationed in Germany. He's going to be 20 minutes from where we'll be and he's so excited about having friends get stationed close to him.

I'm still trying not to be nervous about the whole thing. There's so much to do before we leave that its overwhelming.

I'm off to do some net research..

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1. I am happiest when: With all 3 of my boys.
2. I feel lonely when: Its quiet in the house.
3. The ideal relationship would be: I kind of like the one I'm in. Total trust, love...
4. Favorite movie (s): Off the top of my head.. Run Lola Run, Amile, Shawshank Redemption, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Snatch..I could go on.
5. Favorite author: David Sedaris and Stephen King (I know, cheesy)
6. What makes you cry: Alot but most recently seeing pictures of 3 people killed in Iraq recently.
7. Introvert or extrovert: Extrovert.
8. Do you think too much: Yes.
9. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be: NYC, Philadelphia (Old city), Wherever my family was.
10. A famous person you would like to meet: Any of the people featured on This American Life
11. Do you believe in organized religion: No
12. Pro-life or pro-choice: Rabidly Pro-Choice
13. Are you a vegetarian: Yes
14. Do you support the death penalty: I'm too pissed off about other political issues to decide.
15. Do angels or demons exist: Most of me says no.
16. What would you most like to be doing right now: Drinking a Latte with Eddie somewhere nice.
17. Do you have any regrets: Very, very, very few.
18. Sex or love: Love
19. Favorite coffee: A full cup of
20. Brand of cigarettes: Smoking is a horrid habit. Watch someone die from lung cancer....
21. Favorite scent: Honeysuckle
22. What REALLY makes you mad: Right now, the political situation in America and the man in charge.
23. Favorite way to waste time: Playing Computer games (UO)
26. What is your best quality: I'm an optimist.
27. Are you currently in love/lust: Very much so.
28. What's the craziest thing you have ever done: hmm...there's a lot here. Drove to toms river to put lipstick kisses on the window of a guy who claimed not to be at his (ex)girlfriends house. Breaking another x's nose.
30. Any bad habits: Yes. Quite a few.
31. Do you find it hard to trust people: Not usually
32. Do you ever doubt yourself: Yes. I would think most parents do.
33. Last book you read: Bag of Bones. (Stephen King, finished last night)
34. Last thing you bought for yourself: A Pedicure
35. Bath or shower: Both.
36. Favorite season: Spring.
37. Porn or erotica: Both depending on my mood.
38. What is your favorite flavor: Chocolate, Coffee
39. What is your favorite time of day: Dusk
40. Gold or silver: Silver
41. What is the lamest pickup line someone has used on you: I've been married for 6 years.. I can't remember.
42. Silk sheets or cotton: Cotton.
43. Any secret crushes: Yes...all the time.
44. Do you ever feel you are insane: Sometimes.
45. Favorite style of music: Vocal Jazz, Old Hardcore, Post Modern
46. Favorite film genre: Foreign, Independent
47. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, would you do it: Possibly. I think having a penis would be interesting for a day.
48. What do you desire most in life: To give my children a good foundation.
49. Do you believe in destiny: Yes
50. Is world peace attainable: Not while GW is in office.
51. City or country: Both
52. Are you more inclined to set short or long term goals for yourself?: Short.