Sometimes all it takes is an old friend to renew your faith in mankind.

Maybe I didn't suck as much as I think I did.

I was reminded of a particularly hellish night attempting to drive in Manhattan. I think my memory of the event was erased because of the trauma of driving. And, I'm told, someone taking a cops gun and shooting it or some such thing. Oh, and me almost side swiping a police cruiser.

You would never imagine some of the things I actually did if you looked at my life now. I wouldn't change one thing either.

The sink is still clogged so I think I;ll head out tomorrow before I tell anyone about it. I just rubbed a tissue with Trident in it on the computer screen in an attempt to remove a smudge on this STUPID, no glare, computer screen and got gum gook on it instead.
Dumbass, you should have thrown the tissue away after your put your gum in it. And you should get your ass to bed because Ryan IS going to wake you up prior to 9am. NOW GO TO BED!
*******************

My life is in chaos and disarray and I don't know how to get things organized. I need to move my things in 3 weeks and I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to do that either. I have no doubt that this will all work out but the anticipation is a little nerve-wracking. I think I need to call U-haul and see if they'll allow me to pull a trailer with a Saturn sedan. I want to laugh even typing that. Picture this.. An agressive driver driving 700 miles with 2 young boys in the car and a u-haul trailer on the back. I'd imagine you need to drive slower with the trailer on the back.

Time to get moving sister! Whee!! Isn't this exciting! Moving somewhere entirely new for the first time in your life! WHAT AN ADVENTURE!

I'm off to get a shower, get dressed and call U-haul to have them laugh at the prospect of towing a trailer with a Saturn.
*********************
I had a wonderful day today. Ok.. well not wonderful but very good. I visited my parents-in-law and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I really like both of them and I'm glad that the disagreement we had is behind us now. For those who don't know, we lived with them immediately after the fire at our house. What was supposed to be two months turned into 5 and we eventually got asked to leave after a fight my father had with Eddie's mom about how long it was taking to fix the house. That is how we ended up here. It was really bad and Eddie and I didn't talk to his mom for a long time. Ryan was born and she didn't know until the Friday after it happened. In retrospect things should have happened differently and I'm just glad its over now.

I am having a hitch installed on my car on the 24th. I have the Trailer reserved for the 30th. My parents are both trying to mentally sabotage me by saying (repeatedly) "I don't know how you are going to do this...how are you going to fit your things in there...how are you going to figure out how to drive it" and many other variations of the negativity. Hmmm its a wonder I have any self-confidence at all. I love them both nonetheless. I know in their messed up way they try to do what is best and I quite often focus on the negative things that bother me rather then the positive things that don't. For example, my dad uses his hilton card to make reservations for me whenever I have to go to a hotel. They also paid for the hotels that we stayed at during Eddie's graduation and gave both me and my sister $100 on top of that.. Oh, and they let me and my husband and kids live here rent free/bill free since 5/01 and have never asked for a dime to cover any of the food we eat or utilities we use. Man.. I am a fucking ingrate aren't I?

Shoot.. now I'm feeling guilty. Man...once I start going down this road its a slippery slope. I think that is why I tend to be such an optimist. I just focus on the positive so I don't end up wearing black all the time and wanting to kill myself. I don't tend to get that way but when I do I wallow in it so its just best to avoid it altogether. I'm good enough, and smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me