EFMP

And I think to myself "If you don't have anything nice to think... don't think at all"

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The EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program) is a Department of the Army program which assists eligible family members of Army enlisted as well as other branches of the Army and retired. To qualify you have to be the family member of one of the above, who has a disability which limits that individual's ability to function on a daily basis and requires ongoing counseling, training, education, therapy or treatment. Examples of qualification include Attention Deficit Disorders, Emotional Disorders, Cerebral Palsy, Down Syndrome, Developmental Delays, Birth Defects, Epilepsy, Deafness, Mental Retardation, Asthma, Nutrition and Metabolic Disorders, Mental Disorders, Childhood Hyperactive Syndrome, Orthopedically Impaired, Speech Impaired, Leukemia, Diabetes, Autism, Heart Condition, Sickle Cell Anemia, Visual, Hearing and Learning Impaired. (most of this quoted from the literature they sent home with me)

In order for me to enroll Avery into this program, I have to fill out a form and send it to school to have the school fill it out. Every time I get a paper back from his school, it upsets me. I know that Avery has problem behaviors. I live with it every day. I almost collapse at the end of some days with frustration, sadness and exhaustion. I often want to cry when I get the reports home from school because it only seems to.. I don't know.. enlarge, exploit, highlight, smack me in the face with his behavioral issues.

From the form I got back yesterday:
Under What criteria is student eligible for special education?
N12 Specific Learning Disability
N09 Speech Impaired

Present level of Performance (x appropriate column to indicate student's present level in each area)
Self Help- (2) Normal
Gross Motor (2) Normal
Fine Motor (3) Mild Delay
Social (5) Severe Delay
Cognitive (4) Moderate Delay
Expressive Language (4) Moderate Delay
Receptive Language (4) Moderate Delay

Other Comments:
Avery is a sweet child, despite his impulsivity and very high activity level. Lack of good attending skills impact his learning skills. Behavior issues (aggressive) are a concern.


Let me start off by saying that I love his teacher. I, for a whole lot of money, wouldn't do her job. She has Avery, and 11 other students like him, and I don't know how she does it. I admire anyone in special education who does their job well.

Where do I go with this? It is obvious that he is ADDH. The school has never said those words for, I am sure, a variety of reasons. I don't know what to do. I really don't. What do you do for a child whom you love more then yourself? I want to do the right things. I want him to have a satisfying and full life and I just don't know how to get him there.

I'll know better on Thursday because he's going to the Army doctor. Thus far, I have been more than pleased with the military doctors. They talk to me like I have a brain. They take a wait and see approach with most things (which I admire), but really look to the patient for input. And most of them (the ones I've seen so far) are young, and that leads me to believe they are recently trained and not using outdated medical practices, which is so often the case with older doctors.

Avery is finally old enough that these symptoms.. behaviors will be recognized as a problem. Before, anyone I spoke to had a wait and see attitude. Maybe it was his age. He might calm down as he gets older. We shrugged it off to the changes he was forced to endure. First to the move from our house because of the fire and the hospital stay only days earlier. Second because of the move out of Eddie's mom's house suddenly and into my parents house. Third because of his Daddy not being here. The final trauma he'll be forced to endure is to leave the home he's known for the last two years, leave his grandparents and school behind and move twice, the second move being to another country. I hope he makes it through this last ordeal no worse then when he started.

I love my son. I love him so much that its physically intolerable if I reflect on it for too long. More then anything, I want my son to have good health, joy in life and a healthy self esteem. I'm just afraid I might have to make decisions I don't want to, in order to make that possible.