I had a long, but wonderful day. My mom, sister, the boys and I went to the Philadelphia Zoo. We got to see lots of animals and both of the kids took in everything and seemed to enjoy themselves. It was rainy for the first part of the trip but later cleared up. It was just rainy enough to scare off crowds, so, we had most of the zoo to ourselves. We got souvenirs (as all good consumer tourists do) and Avery and I even got to ride in the "Zooballoon" which took us up 400ft in the air to look over the Philadelphia skyline. I had so much fun! Its a trip I hope to remember for a long time.

Afterward, we went to the Olive Garden and had food. It wasn't exceptional and I spent at least 20 minutes (10 min x2) with Avery in the bathroom. The kids were very tame and I have a feeling they will both sleep like rocks tonight.

I have to call EVIL HESAA tomorrow to get yet another round of paperwork sent to me about that damn student loan. What a waste of $3500. I might try to get a pay based Army loan to cover the settlement cost because no matter what I have to pay back, it will be worth it to NEVER have to deal with those Nazis ever again.

I'm nervous. Only two more days till I'm in the car, leaving NJ. STILL putting off packing. Bad Kelly...

I said good bye (or see you later) to my good friend Lauren and my mother and father-in-law today. I haven't really let the feeling sink in. I am sure Friday will be tough enough. My sister (if she comes) my mother and my best friend will be there to wish me off and I am sure I will be a wreck for most of that time.

Today, in a very "Celestine Prophecy" kind of way, I ran into the last x boyfriend I had. I went with my mother-in-law to a grocery store to take money out of the ATM because the first and second place didn't have working machines. Felix walked by and eventually I ran face into him. I know he saw me and probably didn't want to run into me (I broke up with him (yes, you read that right...one of the only people I've broken up with) for Eddie).

It was nice seeing him. He looked really good and it doesn't hurt to have a pleasant last thought about someone who, at one time, was a very important part of my life.

Ryan is attacking so I'm off to nurse

I'm depressed. I haven't felt this way in quite a long time. All of the things I can normally eclipse with joy is now bubbling to the surface.

After the fire at our house, my mother-in-law let Eddie and I live there for four months. After we left, we didn't speak to her for months. When Ryan was born, we didn't call her to tell her. She didn't get to see him for nearly a month. When she did see him, we were very icy to her and really didn't go out of our way to make it a regular thing.

I want to tell her I am sorry. I feel so stupid over the whole thing. I love Eddie's mom. I don't mean that in the "Oh I just love her" kind of way. I mean, I love her like she is a member of my own family. I wish I could take it all back. Especially, now that we are leaving.

I'm going to write her a letter before I leave. Total cheese, I know. I was planning on doing it anyway. I want to say I'm sorry. I will say I'm sorry.

*sigh*
Lots to do..no motivation.
I think one of the recent tornadoes touched down in the upstairs
Must do something about it.

Miss my baby
I wish I could wake up with him tomorrow.
Will he ever be allowed to be with us again?
*sigh*

EFMP

And I think to myself "If you don't have anything nice to think... don't think at all"

******************

The EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program) is a Department of the Army program which assists eligible family members of Army enlisted as well as other branches of the Army and retired. To qualify you have to be the family member of one of the above, who has a disability which limits that individual's ability to function on a daily basis and requires ongoing counseling, training, education, therapy or treatment. Examples of qualification include Attention Deficit Disorders, Emotional Disorders, Cerebral Palsy, Down Syndrome, Developmental Delays, Birth Defects, Epilepsy, Deafness, Mental Retardation, Asthma, Nutrition and Metabolic Disorders, Mental Disorders, Childhood Hyperactive Syndrome, Orthopedically Impaired, Speech Impaired, Leukemia, Diabetes, Autism, Heart Condition, Sickle Cell Anemia, Visual, Hearing and Learning Impaired. (most of this quoted from the literature they sent home with me)

In order for me to enroll Avery into this program, I have to fill out a form and send it to school to have the school fill it out. Every time I get a paper back from his school, it upsets me. I know that Avery has problem behaviors. I live with it every day. I almost collapse at the end of some days with frustration, sadness and exhaustion. I often want to cry when I get the reports home from school because it only seems to.. I don't know.. enlarge, exploit, highlight, smack me in the face with his behavioral issues.

From the form I got back yesterday:
Under What criteria is student eligible for special education?
N12 Specific Learning Disability
N09 Speech Impaired

Present level of Performance (x appropriate column to indicate student's present level in each area)
Self Help- (2) Normal
Gross Motor (2) Normal
Fine Motor (3) Mild Delay
Social (5) Severe Delay
Cognitive (4) Moderate Delay
Expressive Language (4) Moderate Delay
Receptive Language (4) Moderate Delay

Other Comments:
Avery is a sweet child, despite his impulsivity and very high activity level. Lack of good attending skills impact his learning skills. Behavior issues (aggressive) are a concern.


Let me start off by saying that I love his teacher. I, for a whole lot of money, wouldn't do her job. She has Avery, and 11 other students like him, and I don't know how she does it. I admire anyone in special education who does their job well.

Where do I go with this? It is obvious that he is ADDH. The school has never said those words for, I am sure, a variety of reasons. I don't know what to do. I really don't. What do you do for a child whom you love more then yourself? I want to do the right things. I want him to have a satisfying and full life and I just don't know how to get him there.

I'll know better on Thursday because he's going to the Army doctor. Thus far, I have been more than pleased with the military doctors. They talk to me like I have a brain. They take a wait and see approach with most things (which I admire), but really look to the patient for input. And most of them (the ones I've seen so far) are young, and that leads me to believe they are recently trained and not using outdated medical practices, which is so often the case with older doctors.

Avery is finally old enough that these symptoms.. behaviors will be recognized as a problem. Before, anyone I spoke to had a wait and see attitude. Maybe it was his age. He might calm down as he gets older. We shrugged it off to the changes he was forced to endure. First to the move from our house because of the fire and the hospital stay only days earlier. Second because of the move out of Eddie's mom's house suddenly and into my parents house. Third because of his Daddy not being here. The final trauma he'll be forced to endure is to leave the home he's known for the last two years, leave his grandparents and school behind and move twice, the second move being to another country. I hope he makes it through this last ordeal no worse then when he started.

I love my son. I love him so much that its physically intolerable if I reflect on it for too long. More then anything, I want my son to have good health, joy in life and a healthy self esteem. I'm just afraid I might have to make decisions I don't want to, in order to make that possible.

HESAA vs. U-Haul

HESAA is the Higher Education Student Assistance Authority. This is a New Jersey based company that takes over student loans that have been sent into default. They also provide loans for school and other services related to borrowing money for school in New Jersey.

U-haul is a company that rents trailers, hitches, trucks, storage space and sells packing materials.

I first dealt with HESAA during a bad financial patch and after I ran out of deferment time. They have a 1-800 number to call to ask them questions about your account but only one extention to dial if you are a miscreant and have fallen into default. This extention will often hang up on you. Once there are 10 people in que to talk to a customer service person. This is especially frustrating. You have to go through a voicemail system first and make aproximately 3 selections before you get the option to enter the extention number. The system then says "Hold while we connect your call" and you hear silence, and then it hangs up.

In general, the people they employ aren't very versed in the law, what their jobs are, what the regulations their company has etc (read: they hire mostly idiots). I feel the need to add here that on occasion I have actually talked to a few very helpful people, but again, that is rare.

I was informed of a program that allowed me to enter rehabilitation for a years worth of payment in good standing. I entered the program and made all of my payments for 2 years on time. During this time they garnished my tax return twice. Eventually, I requested information about having my loan discharged twice,(part of the program) and twice never received anything.

I also requested information about having a settlement amount on my loan. I was told by the woman that I spoke with to fax someone a letter stating my reason for wanting a settlement. Two weeks later I got a letter thanking me for sending them a letter and asking me to call the 1-800 number to speak with a customer service representitve.

At Christmas time this year, we fell on some pretty bad times. I didn't pay my student loan payment. I reverted back to square one with the rehabilitation. I was in the process of having my loan consolidated and found out, because of this, I was having trouble. Getting someone on the phone who knew what they were talking about was impossible. They had the wrong lender down as the one that was consolidating my loan. I got hung up on literally 10 times. I talked to 3 different people until I found out what happened and I actually found out through the company I applied for consolidation through. I also found out they sent back an incomplete form concerning my consolidation while they were threatening to garnish my tax return again. By the time I finished finding out what happened, it was a day later then when I started and I was nearly in tears.

Thankfully, I believe my consolidation is almost processed and I won't have to deal with these people EVER again.

I first dealt with U-haul when I was interested in renting a trailer and buying a hitch to move my furniture to Georgia. They were very friendly and I had no problem making reservations. The trouble started when I wanted to cancel my reservations.

I called the 1-800 number to cancel my reservation for trailer and hitch installation because I decided to rent the apartment fully furnished. I was contacted by the local office and told they wouldn't return my deposit because it was a special order hitch. I told this man that according to the reservationist, I had 48 hours to cancel my appointment and they would refund my money. He said to call customer service.

I called customer service later that day. The first person transfered me to customer service. The second person transferred me. The third person transferred me. The fourth person transferred me. The fifth person transferred me. The sixth person transferred me. The seventh person tried to convince me that I needed to call the local office. I told him I didn't want to, I wanted my money refunded. I explained to him that I spoke to the local office already and they told me to call the number that he works for. He told me to call the local office. I told him I already did and they told me to call him. He said "Ok. Well then try this 1-800 number". I told him I didn't want to try another number, I had been transferred 7 times, called the local number twice and I JUST WANTED MY MONEY BACK. Finally I relented and took down the number that he wanted me to call and it turned out not even to be a working number.

I called back, asked for that number again. Got it and waited until the next day to call it. When I called that number, the man I spoke to told me, in a very unkind way, that they have nothing to do with that and to call the 1-800 number. So finally, exasperated, I called the 1-800 number (again) and the man I talked to told me that within 10 days, my money should be refunded automatically to my card. I was both relieved and very irritated. He said that during this time of year they hired a bunch of people and that most of them didn't know what they were talking about. No kidding.

No matter how you slice it, if I never have to deal with either institiution again, I'll be happy.

Ok. Lost a second post. Must be AOL. I hate those bastards. I'm only using this because it came free with the laptop I got and I can't figure out how to hook this up to the cable modem.

I got an apartment. Its cheap and I'm renting it fully furnished because it would cost me the same to move my furntiure (read: two dressers) to GA. It looks like our first permanet station might be Germany, but that could change.

I had a crappy mothers day. The ride home was easy, and I made great time.

More when I know this won't be lost.