I think I may give writing in here a try again. Its been a long time and honestly what has kept me from writing is that I either don’t have anything to say or the things I do have to say are of such a personal nature that I write it in my paper journal because I think no one will care.

Since Eddie has been home I’ve been in super lazy mode. I sleep a lot, hang out at the house and knit or watch TV. I am biding my time until it is time to leave Colorado.

We, or I should say I because Eddie generally is a very agreeable person and doesn’t have opinions on many things, whereas I definitely do, have decided to make our way back out east when we are finished here. I am hoping we will go no further south than DC and no further north than Mass. Obviously it will be up to wherever Eddie’s job prospects are best. For the first time in our lives, we are looking forward to a financially secure future. Eddie should be able to make a decent wage with his qualifications and experience. This all leads me to an existential crisis.

I quit esthetics school because honestly I hated giving facials. I love the dermatology aspect of it but I hate pampering people. I know this is insanely selfish but I can’t picture my entire day being filled with one person after another and their faces. I know I could have used this certificate to do other things but in general anything I would have been interested in would have required either a nursing or PA degree or a massage therapy degree.

I have been tossing and turning internally due to this indecision about what to do. I have no education to speak of and it is putting me into a sort of panic mode. Its the I-need-to-figure-out-what-I-want-to-do-because-death-is-knocking-on-my-door kind of mode. I will never forget being 17 and crying in my boyfriend’s car because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to my major to be in college. His words ring in my ears until this day "You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t have to decide yet". What shitty advice. (I say this tongue in cheek, of course) I ended up majoring in pre-dental with delusions of being an Orthodontist. I then switched my major to Photography, just to show you how much I had no idea what I wanted to do.

There are many things I could picture myself doing but I just can’t seem to settle on one. Right now I figure it is useless to decide because we aren’t going to be here for much longer. As of the 11th, Eddie has 10 more months left in his sentence.

Speaking of his "jail time", they were going to try to deploy him again. This time with an open ended time frame. This is not going to happen. What kind of planning could he do spending the last months of his time in the Army in a war zone?

The worst part of this situation is it is all due to the poor planning of his unit. They imported no less than 5 people ineligible to deploy even though they were specifically brought in the unit for that purpose. As I have said many times before, it scares me that these people are the kind of people in charge of the defense of our country. The day he is released from the bonds of our government will not come fast enough. This being said after talking about my feelings of my life slipping away while I wallow in indecision. Such is the dichotomy of my situation. I suppose it makes total sense though because I really can’t get started on much of my own path until I know that the Army will not be able to throw any curve balls my way.