Today Eddie had a half day from work. It was such a beautiful day and Eddie suggested we go for a motorcycle ride. My motorcycle is sick (krank) so I rode on the back of Eddie's bike, much to my initial protests.
As we started on our ride, I was panicked and nervous. It was only my second time on the back of a bike and not being in control made me anxious. As we rode for a bit, I began to relax. I started to enjoy the ride for how amazing it was.
I love being that close to Eddie. I love having my hands around him. Its like cuddling at 40 miles an hour. Being that close to him makes me feel whole.
We had lunch at my absolute favorite place to eat in Colorado Springs. At lunch we talked. I told him that now, more than ever, I feel his love. There were times in our life together that I felt that I loved him more than he loved me. I couldn't understand, more specifically I felt like I didn't deserve his love. I love him so deeply and passionately that I couldn't fathom another person feeling that way about me. I know now that he does feel that way about me and nothing will ever change that.
The six months he was away started us on a path to better communication. I often fall in the trap of telling him "Please go ahead and do xyz" because that is what I think he wants. In actuality he only does it because he thinks I want him to do it. What a fool I am. I am pushing him toward something he doesn't even want or is indifferent about just because I think its what he wants. He doesn't lie to me. He doesn't hide what he feels. He is always honest with me. I always think, erroneously, that there is something below the surface. I think that he is afraid to tell me what he really wants. The truth is that he doesn't hold back. He tells me exactly what he wants. It is me that assumes he isn't satisfied when he is.
After lunch we took a long ride. I took in the sun, the wind, the mountains and all that is beautiful about this place we live. I thought about how beautiful everything is. I thought "If I were to die right now, I would die happy". I am the happiest I have ever been. My life is amazing right now and it keeps getting better.
Eddie and I are embarking on an amazing time. All of the things tying us up in drama have finally reached closure. I was finally able to give Eddie something that he's wanted for a long time. We are meeting so many new and amazing people who are adding such positive things to our lives. We are almost free of the bonds of the military and I can't even begin to describe how exciting that is. I know, in my heart, Eddie is happy with his life as I am happy with mine. And that provides me more peace than anything else.
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