"When the monsoon changes, the strength and prevailing direction of the current change too, and the loose sand of which the shifting banks are composed, on what was the lee side, being stirred up by the surf and the sea, is being swept by the current through the channels, and deposited on the opposite side, partly on the bars and partly in loose, detached heaps along the bank."

I get swept up and swept away with emotion. I know this about myself. I fall in love easily and out of love just as easily. I have fits of rage. I have fits of joy. I am frequently bored to tears and can be enraptured by simple things. I am not fearful of change and often do things to force it along. I am not ashamed of any part of myself and now feel that I no longer have to apologize for the personality traits that make me, me.

For so long I apologized for myself. I am too loud and abrasive. I express my feelings too strongly. I have trouble making decisions and often change my mind. These are things I know and things I have learned to love. I am now, at a place in my life where I no longer desire to be what someone else wants. I am happy as I am.

I spent a lot of my 20's "searching for myself". In retrospect, it seems the more time I spent searching, the less I actually found. I was always really here. I just needed to let go. I needed to own my flaws (of which there are many) and embrace them as part of what makes me who I am. I am my flaws just as much as I am my charms. I am my weaknesses just as much as I am my strengths.

I have often been swept away by drama (or situations) in an attempt to stave off boredom. I find myself wondering, what it was all for. I examine my feelings and realize they were a mirage; an invented situation to amuse myself. Eventually, exhausted by the effort of maintaining the relationships that cause me problems, I just let go. I get bored by the drama too.

In general, life for me is fairly drama free. This is due to the fact that the most important relationship of my life is nurturing, edifying and fulfilling. Over the last 12 years we have worked on communication, respect and love. I was lucky enough to find my perfect match. I tend to be lucky in all things. I am always finding myself in the right place at the right time.

Eddie and I had some issues before he left for Iraq this last time and they usually revolved around the same thing. Forgive me for being cryptic about this, but it is not the problem in this case that matters, but rather that we found a solution. We opened our minds and took an unconventional approach to find a solution and it worked. Things changed for the better and I realized I was holding on to hurt feelings that no longer mattered. I let them go and I allowed myself to heal.

Life is a constant of shifting sands and currents changing directions. It is how you navigate the waters that is important. Sometimes it is just best to let go and let the current sweep you away. Enjoy the rolling of the water; the glittering of the sun on the surface and know in your heart, whatever side of the bank you are deposited is where you are meant to be.