Its very cold out today. Nothing like the last two weeks. It actually snowed last night. I went to the Stacy park, but didn't want to torture Ryan by taking him on a walk. It is just way too cold for him and I didn't bring enough clothing with me to bundle him up.

I am considering going to a "support your troops" rally this weekend. I really do support the troops, just not the administration that deployed them. Its not the war that I am upset about. Its all the other sneaky things that were going on before this war started.

I wonder about people who say how glad they are that president Bush was in office as of 9/11. Do you think any other president would have stepped up to the plate? Or any other mayor? Politicians are just mouthpieces most of the time. I have a feeling that no matter who was in office, they would have also "stepped up to the plate". GW was nothing special.

My Birthday is tomorrow. 28 years old. Wheeeee. I am going out with my friend Lauren and my parents are watching the boys. I am excited :)

I keep having dreams about ex-boyfriends. I'm not sure why but apparently my subconscious feels the need to reconcile things that I have already come to terms with on the surface. One dream in particular that repeats itself in different scenarios. I see Patrick Guidotti (a boyfriend of mine when I was 17), we try to be friends (nothing more), his (now) wife finds us together and freaks out while I try to explain that we are nothing more then friends. I think most of this is due to my missing Eddie's tenderness while he is away. My subconscious brain is seeking out people who have been tender with me in the past and trying to recreate the feeling through dreams in a nonsexual, therefore non threatening fashion.

I can't help but wake up and wonder what the hell my brain does while I sleep. My dreams are always so far fetched. Quite often I am running in my dreams. Running to things. Running away from things. I hide from things a lot in my dreams. In my dreams I also have problems dialing the telephone. Its usually in emergency situations. I can't dial the numbers that I need and keep mis-dialing. I dream about certain ex-boyfriends often but usually it revolves around their positive qualities and the times when they've treated me well. Thankfully there are certain exes that I NEVER dream about. *Thanks her subconscious mind for sparing her slumber from them*

I haven't dreamed about Eddie enough since he's been gone. I think its because I've been purposely not focusing on how much I miss him and I think this suppresses dreams about him. I had more dreams about him when he was here then when he left.

This July we will have been married for 6 years. I am more in love with him now then ever. He is amazing. I love him so much that sometimes I feel like I'll pop. I feel so lucky that I can share my life with someone whom I so deeply love. I wonder sometimes if its normal for married people to feel this way about each other. Everything that came to pass before makes sense because it led me to him. I think I am the luckiest person in the world.

I swore Eddie was going to call today. In one of his last letters he said that he thought Sunday would be the day that they were allowed to call home. I was a nervous wreck from about 7pm on.

I know if he would have called I would be a wreck right now. I can't help but cry my eyes out when I hear his sweet voice on the phone and think about how far away he is. And how far away it is until we can be a family again.

I feel like a wimp sometimes because he's just in basic training. I know that this has an end. Unlike those women and men who's loved ones are over in the Middle East with no guarantee of a safe return or date of homecoming, I know when I'll get to be with him again. I know that he is pretty safe. I know he won't be shot at. My heart breaks for those people. The ones who can't tell their sons and daughters where Mommy or Daddy is or when they'll be home.

Good lord, I better go to bed or I'll be slitting my wrists with the mood I'm getting myself into.

I had an absolutely excellent day today. My sister and I went to Chevy's for my favorite... vegetarian stuffed burrito. She had them sing Happy Birthday to me which came as a total surprise. I honestly did not expect a thing! When I heard them start clapping I thought "Wow, someone else has a birthday soon too." Of course I turned redder then I normally am but it was very nice.

Stephanie came over today too and gave me a very beautiful necklace and an awesome handbag. I really love them and it was very sweet of her.

In addition to all this being treated like a queen, Eddie sent me a very sweet birthday card. With that I also received a letter and a humorous look at Basic Training.

Even the kids were sweet today. Avery and my sister built a little "house" out of stick and Avery gave it to me for my birthday. Then he said that he wanted to go for a walk to buy me a Barbie game for my birthday :) Even my mom wanted to make up with me today.

Its rainy here today, but its nice rain. Its very warm. I love it when it rains and is warm. It is probably my favorite weather.

25 Days left until I get to see my GI. Pretty soon trip planning will kick in and the time will fly by!

Patriotism and Sleep

Its a beautiful day out today. I'm going to get Avery ready for school then take Ryan to Dunkin Donuts for an iced coffee (for me, not him) then go walk by the Deleware River.

I love walking there and other then my friends (all 5 of them, sister included) there isn't much in this area that I will miss. Its one of the only decent parts of NJ and luckily I've always lived right by it. Ever since I was a little kid it facinated me because my evil grandfather lived right in front of the canal. We used to drive to his house quite often and right along the river most of the way. Eventually when we settle down and buy a house, I'd like it to be near some body of water...a brook, stream, river, ocean...hell as long as its flowing.

I am so tired but I finally got this set up so I wanted to post my first entry. I can hear both of my little angels snoring and thankfully I'm tired enough that I'll be able to fall asleep anyway.

I miss Eddie so much sometimes it hurts. Especially when it quiets down right before I go to sleep. I had never given much thought to the little things I had when he was around. I miss him kissing me goodbye every morning. I miss feeling him in bed at night. I wish he could be here cuddle up with Avery on his bed and nod off.

Sometimes August seems so far away.

One more thing... Although my viewpoint on this war has fluctuated quite a bit in the last month there is one thing I can not stand. I was driving along today and a man in front of me stuck his arm out the window and flipped off what looked to be an arab-american man in a Lexus. I was so irritated that I was tempted to say something to him about how absolutely rediculous that gesture was. I didn't bother however, because if he was stupid enough to do that I would imagine that any amount of common sense would go right over his head anyway.

The stupidity of my fellow man never ceases to amaze me