Everything is Illuminated

Needless to say, everything in is flux right now. I am in mourning the loss of my fantasy of an ideal. I am on the mend, thankfully, and should be right as rain in a week or two. I can't help but be sad when the Utopia begins to slip away. Or more specifically, my idea of Utopia.

I've been reading different quotes all morning to find one I wanted to add to my profile here. I find so much inspiration in the words of others.

I am finding myself feeling even more in tune and in love. I am reminded every single day of how loved and appreciated I am and how truly lucky I am to have found this so early on in my life. I realize that nothing matters except for this one thing. This one thing is so amazing that it sustains me, supports me, holds me close and gives me enough space to grow and flourish. I do not need anything but what I have. I feel as though, after months of feeling incomplete and empty, I am finally back to where I should be. My heart is full.

Without my permission or approval, it seems my life has decided to simplify itself. My life has a mind of its own.

I know there is a good reason this is happening and I am looking forward to finding out what it is. I spent so long bored that the excitement and drama was a welcome change. I can't deny the fact that I am probably better without the drama, however I will miss the excitement. I am hoping of finding more ways to continue living a more exciting life.

I will have a lot occupying myself once the kids go back to school because Eddie will be at work and I will be plunging head first into school.

fickle as a pickle

Main Entry:

fick·le

Pronunciation:

..--fi-k?l..

: marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability : given to erratic changeableness

One of my many flaws. I am fickle. Things I like today, I may not like tomorrow. I might be enamored by something one minute and disgusted by it the next, only to be head over heels five minutes after that. I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that I am so easily bored.

Main Entry:

bore·dom

Pronunciation:

..--bo?r-d?m..

: the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest

Bored more accurately describes me. Weary and restless through lack of interest. Restless more than weary for sure.

One might ask themselves how I have managed to stay married to the same man for 10 years (together for 13) considering my tendencies toward being fickle and bored. That is just a testament to how special my husband is. I don't even think of him as a separate person anymore. I think of him as an extension of myself. I have spoken a great deal about this very subject so I am not going to go too much into detail here. I will say this though, he never bores me and entertains me endlessly. We are partners in crime. We have the same sense of humor so are constantly entertaining each other. He is forgiving and appreciative.

I wish often I could be more nurturing. Eddie hurt his elbow by banging it on something and after a minute or so of complaining about it I said "wahh OK Pwoor wittle Eddie hurt his pwoor elbow. Suck it up already!" I know this is awful. I know! I guess I am very lucky to have boys. They are rough and tumble. They are little hellions and that kind of fits into my style. And I do nurture them. I have a more logical approach to it though.

I am bored. I am boring myself by writing this. Off I go....